Relief

The strongest emotion is relief.

So ever since I left my previous job which was for a variety of reasons, I thought it would be pretty easy to secure something within teaching. I am willing to work for free but the reality is nothing has come to fruition and I feel betrayed by own secondary school which said they couldn’t offer me anything. I feel like there is a growing gap in my CV but what can I do?! It’s difficult to explain everything without delving into every single detail but I’m in a bit of a catch-22.

I’m just counting down the days til I start my grad scheme. And god I hope it works out. I really really hope it does.

Today I went to the park and bought some vitamins from the pharmacy.

My life is a whirlwind.

Right. Definitely signing up to the gym again - I’ve become lazier than ever!

Arguments

I generally do not get on well with my parents. Today I was summoned to speak to them about how I am apparently not a great son.

I’ve had this argument plenty of times and somehow my dad leans towards agreeing with what I say whereas my mum resents me more and gives me the silent treatment which I’m fine with. Less yapping from her, the better. I know I sound mean but honestly. The woman has told me several times that she wishes I was never born.

So I went downstairs into the dining room. And my dad just went right into it. Why didn’t I go to XYZ gathering with my mum and the kids on Sunday? My answer which was the truth was that I never knew they were going to XYZ since on Sundays they normally go to some mosque thing. And also I woke up quite late that day. Then my mum started going on about how I never do anything at home. And I listed several things which I’ve done as she has asked and some things I did under my own accord e.g. I’m trying to get my little sister into a nursery and I helped us switch telephone/internet providers. Just stuff like that.

And then she just went on about how I never clean the house. The truth is though our house is pretty clean especially if we consider there are four people who can be classed as children living there. It’s true I could help her with the cleaning more, but the cleaning she wants to do is unnecessary - we don’t need to hover the stairs - they are pretty spotless anyway!

Then it just went on and on about other things. And I found the perfect moment to change the subject onto my younger brother who is 17 I think.  It was when my mum said why isn’t he saying anything (he’s been in the room the whole time just looking at his phone and playing with his hair). That’s when I knew I won the argument haha because the focus was on him and how he’s basically a pleb.

Just another argument in my dysfunctional family.

It’s most likely down to teenage angst…even though I’m bloody 22. But sometimes, such as right this moment, I think to myself what have I accomplished in life? I am a nobody!

my dad just got facebook

Title says it all really. What the fuck? Like I just find it a little creepy that my 40-something dad is now connecting with people online. He wanted to add me so I sent him a request using my ‘family friendly’ account. That’s right folks - I have two Facebook accounts.

 I’ve come across a lot of Bengali men who act all righteous/islamic yet their smartphone’s web history is full of naughty things. So hopefully my dad isn’t following this stereotype! I think he just wants to find out all the latest gossip in his hometown in Bangladesh. *bless*

Loved this when I was a kid. Still do.

(Source: nscott-23)

Haram

I eat chicken that isn’t halal. How badass am I right?

I don’t like to eat haram Nandos though, a big piece of chicken feels haram to me. It’s only if it’s like small portions of chicken do I feel okay eating lol like when you order something with chicken at Wagamamas.

Yes I know I cherry pick rules and am full of contradictions but isn’t life like that anyway?

(Source: dailybreakingbad, via acomplex-situation)

June

I can’t wait for June, it’s the starting point of my life. Well that’s how it feels like it’s going to be.

The past week has been going quite well but then it took a turn for the worst. Somehow my macbook got scratched and I heard replacing a retina screen is going to cost some big bucks. I really hope Apple can take pity on me and replace it for free. Otherwise I don’t know what I’ll do. I was putting some money aside for a camera :(

btw I am determined to get back into ‘fashion blogging’.