now i know what i’ll be teaching in september which is exciting! i can’t believe this is actually happening.
in other news I’m looking at places to rent - east end here I come! I’m broke yet I’ve booked a holiday and I’ve just ordered some shoes for £200.
my priorities are messed up
smack - my mum hits my younger siblings. Her way of controlling her kids is by using violence. I’ve intervened already but all I get is smacked as well and then told to fuck off.
my school are acting very unusual and I have an instinctively bad feeling about them. the next two years are going to be a bumpy ride.
Not long ago I found out which school I’ll be working at. It’s located in inner-city London :)
I have some reservations about the school itself - I could be in a better school but at the same time I could be in a worse school so I am quite content. Now I’m just looking at places to live at which is a challenge. I mean it’s London, I’d be lucky to find a cupboard to sleep inside with my budget.
The strongest emotion is relief.
So ever since I left my previous job which was for a variety of reasons, I thought it would be pretty easy to secure something within teaching. I am willing to work for free but the reality is nothing has come to fruition and I feel betrayed by own secondary school which said they couldn’t offer me anything. I feel like there is a growing gap in my CV but what can I do?! It’s difficult to explain everything without delving into every single detail but I’m in a bit of a catch-22.
I’m just counting down the days til I start my grad scheme. And god I hope it works out. I really really hope it does.
Today I went to the park and bought some vitamins from the pharmacy.
My life is a whirlwind.
Right. Definitely signing up to the gym again - I’ve become lazier than ever!
I generally do not get on well with my parents. Today I was summoned to speak to them about how I am apparently not a great son.
I’ve had this argument plenty of times and somehow my dad leans towards agreeing with what I say whereas my mum resents me more and gives me the silent treatment which I’m fine with. Less yapping from her, the better. I know I sound mean but honestly. The woman has told me several times that she wishes I was never born.
So I went downstairs into the dining room. And my dad just went right into it. Why didn’t I go to XYZ gathering with my mum and the kids on Sunday? My answer which was the truth was that I never knew they were going to XYZ since on Sundays they normally go to some mosque thing. And also I woke up quite late that day. Then my mum started going on about how I never do anything at home. And I listed several things which I’ve done as she has asked and some things I did under my own accord e.g. I’m trying to get my little sister into a nursery and I helped us switch telephone/internet providers. Just stuff like that.
And then she just went on about how I never clean the house. The truth is though our house is pretty clean especially if we consider there are four people who can be classed as children living there. It’s true I could help her with the cleaning more, but the cleaning she wants to do is unnecessary - we don’t need to hover the stairs - they are pretty spotless anyway!
Then it just went on and on about other things. And I found the perfect moment to change the subject onto my younger brother who is 17 I think. It was when my mum said why isn’t he saying anything (he’s been in the room the whole time just looking at his phone and playing with his hair). That’s when I knew I won the argument haha because the focus was on him and how he’s basically a pleb.
Just another argument in my dysfunctional family.
It’s most likely down to teenage angst…even though I’m bloody 22. But sometimes, such as right this moment, I think to myself what have I accomplished in life? I am a nobody!